god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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