k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
