I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
