All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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