Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.

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(602): View more from Arizona

hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad

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(207): View more from Maine

life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.

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(517): View more from Michigan

the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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(845): View more from New York

Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.

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(802): View more from Vermont

We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"

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(410): View more from Maryland

so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers

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