he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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