when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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