My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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