It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
