I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
