I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
