Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize