Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
