If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
