Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
