I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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