Your dad touched me again.
Welp...herpes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
