brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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