Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
