i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize