If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
