I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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