cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
