would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you didnt know i had herpes?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
