Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
