They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
