just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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