not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
