I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
