The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
