chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
