I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
