don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
