Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
