I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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