Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
