You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
