I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
