I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
