Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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