dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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