You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
