Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
