Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize