If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
