i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
