Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
