The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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