yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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