Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
