Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
