well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
