He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just invented taco cereal.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
