Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
