You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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