It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
