I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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