i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
