just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
