My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
