If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
