So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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