He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
