the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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