Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
