i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
