It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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