she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize