you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
