yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
