i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize