sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
