Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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